Hey Pandas, How Did You Come Out To Your Friends And Family?

Jun 09, 2021

How did you tell them and how did they react?

#1

It wasn't planned.
My parents left one day to go shopping and I was running around screaming "I'M GAY!"
Turns out they came back early.
Lesson learned and embarassment recieved.

#2

My coming out wasn't dramatic, because I know my parents support LGBTQ+, but i wasn't planning on coming out, because I think people shouldn't need to come out, as we are on the same level in importance as cishet people. I think you should just say your pronouns, and that"s it. But of course, there are still people who think that LGBTQ+ is wrong, which is sad. Anyway, I just kind mentioned I was Lesbian to my dad, at the dinner table, and my sister, who was also there. I don't know if they told my mom, but later when I accidently mentioned it to her, she just acted like she already knew.

#3

I just listened to "A Little Bit" performed by Alex Brightman (heres this link if you're interested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKmmbWevwtE) on full volume the whole day and my dad thought it was a funny song so he showed it to my mom and told her that I showed it to him, and she listened to it, then looked my in the eyes and said "Are you gay?" and i said "yeah" and started crying. then she asked a bunch of questions and it was nice
Then I accidentally came out as genderqueer to my mom the other day bc i was crying about insecurities and stuff and she was like "oh but you're so so beautiful, don't worry!" and i went "i dOnT wAnNa bE bEaUtIfUl i wAnNa bE hAnDsOmE" and then my mom was kinda like "oh. OH.... I need to know.... what are your pronouns my dear?" and i said idk because i don't know. she told me it was okay, i could still be figuring it out.

And to my friends i just told them something random and i ended it with "anyways girls are hot", and they were like "WAIT" most of them were okay with it, one came out to me at the same time. one literally started the conversation with calling me a lesbian and winking at me i was like "what how did you know" apparently he'd known longer than I knew lol. one went on a rant about how the bible says im sinning and how im going to hell (i told her praise satan, she wasn't ready for that. she eventually learned to deal with it because me and that other lesbian who came out to me at the same time were her only friends lol). one did the CLASSIC "so do you have a crush on ME?" and i did at the time so that wasn't a good look for lesbians.

#4

The first time I was about 7 years old, and my father did NOT take it well that his "son" was now his daughter. Mom somehow convinced him it was "just a phase", which worked great until he got sick of it when I was 9. That's when he decided to commit a federal crime against me and threaten to keep doing that to me every night until I gave in and started acting like a boy. Traumatic, to say the least! It took me about 30 years to undo the damage and find myself again.

Joke's on him, I'm out to my friends and family now (I was quite direct in telling them and they're all cool with it) and he's living alone in an RV miles away and hated by all of his relatives.

#5

Well, my mothers kind of against sexuality. but i wrote her a letter about me being bi. she hasn't answered yet, but my foster family is with me and supporting me!?

#6

I didn't tell them. I had a tiktok and they were blocked on there. They stole my phone saw it and told me that they are the only people who will ever love me if continue on with this stuff. I am a genderfluid, asexual, lesbian by the way. They took away all of my social media and here I am using boerdpanda because I am boerd. :(

#7

Yup im bisexual and im allowed to have girlfriends(i'm a female) but only allowed to marry men

#8

I havent officially come out to my parents, but i drew an ace flag and hung it up, and folded up my clothes to look like an ace flag. I havent come out to my friends because i havent seen them in a long time, but im afraid they wont like me anymore.

#9

not me but my wife's husband is gay and his coming story just shows what a great family they are. when he decided to tell his mom and dad he is gay his mom's answer was : "honey !! i made you. i knew it before you even know it yourself. and i couldn't care less. be who you have to be. i love you. i'm proud of you. i just want you to be a respectable and happy man" and his dad ran out of the room to bring back a bottle of champagne they were keeping to open it when their son would feel safe and strong enough to tell them. i wish everybody had parents like them. the world would be a better place !!

#10

After seeing Eret wearing a dress and coming out as bisexual in front of so many people inspired me, I wasn’t afraid to let my true colors shine anymore. I told my family, my friends, and grandparents. My family accepted it almost immediately :), my friends being the teenagers we are they said “POGCHAMP” which made me laugh and feel appreciated because now my friend group has one of each. My grandmother however, we had an argument, she did say that I am female, but after talking it out we decided to just not bring it up again. My grandfather was chill with it. (Btw I’m non-binary)

#11

While explaining to my parents what being aromantic means.

#12

I told them on the spot

#13

I was in the car with them haha and then I was kinda like "hey...I'm a lesbian..." and they were like oh okay and my mom asked if I was suicidal which...thanks for caring I guess but it was kinda weird
and then I just kinda mentioned gay memes and my friends picked up on it

#14

I got a frying pan, walked up to my Mum and said: "Hi Mum, look at this amazing pan! You should hang it up on the wall because it reminds you of me!" She looked at me like a was an idiot. So i said "Its and pan, and i'm a pan....." It didn't work and i didn't feel like explaining. So i'm not out yet.

#15

i just told my friends and they went "wait, we're supposed to be suprised?? Quick, guys!!"

#16

Ok. My coming-out story is really not interesting. I came out to my brother with a text message, and with my parents, while we were watching tv, I was like, "Hey. I'm Bi." And they were like "Cool." I came out to by queer friends through a text message, and that's... it. Not that intristing. :)

#17

I just sorta mentioned it and hmthey were like ok cool and that was that.

#18

not dramatic for me... I literally said I was gay, then later I said I was Genderfluid... So I have to yell at my mom about my pronouns...

#19

My parents found out when my mum was accidentally added to a group chat and I didn’t realise and said my gf dumped me so I didn’t really come out to them but I came out to my friends by just telling them that I had a crush on a girl and hoping that they were supportive (they were)

#20

I made a six layer cake with my brother (he knew way before my parents did and he was totally cool, just surprised) where each layer was a color of the rainbow. On the top I wrote " I

#21

I first told by best friend before we were about to preform at a Christmas party. I told her I am gay and she just gave me a big hug. Then she was like I’m so proud of you and I still love you and care about you. Then we both cried. Then we went and preformed. Later that night I came out to rest of my friends. It was and still one of the most amazing nights of my life and wouldn’t change a thing. Ive got some advice for any closeted teens out there. I’m a teen too. I know how you feel. Constant fear and stress about people finding out your secret. Just find someone that you know will accept you. Tell them who you are. I promise that when they accept you you will feel like a GIANT weight was just lifted off your chest.

#22

I'm going to do the time I came out to my friends, cause I still I haven't come out to my family yet. But I hope I will by the end of the month.

Anyway, my friends and I were at Knotts. I think we were in line for The Log Ride, and they were asking me who my ex-crush ex-friend was. I was like, if I tell them, then I'd have to come out. But I was originally going to come out. So, I said, "Lemme get one thing straight, I'm not." A look of surprise crossed my friends' faces. They accepted me and I was so happy. Then one of my friends said "That was so smooth, I think I might use that next time." I gave her a look and she came out to us as a lesbian. My other friend also came out as bisexual too. In the end, I was glad I came out to them. They were so supportive of me. HAPPY PRIDE MONTH Y'ALL!!!

#23

My mother would NOT SHUT UP about cishet intercourse so I just kinda yelled at her (after asking her to stop several times because nobody at her house was gonna do THAT) “IM GAY CAN YOU STOP NOW??!” Afterwards she didn’t believe me, and kept asking “are you reeaaally though?” And once I finally convinced her she didn’t care. Then the next day she asked me about pronouns and exact sexuality and I told her (they/them/theirs) and she hasn’t respected it since. Anytime I correct her she m arks it as disrespectful.

Almost all my friends are lgbptqiaanbfd+ But I told the first at a sleepover when I was talking about a girl I liked.

#24

Oh, a continuation of 26, my step mother saw my pride pin this month (June) and asked, “oh, so what are you? Your friend is pan, right?” So I told her and she was kinda confused but then asked me if I had a crush on anyone (I lied and said no) and she told my dad the next day.

#25

Bi. Knew my mother was supportive and just told her, but was unsure about my father. Me and him got chatting over wrapping some christmas presents for family, and he made it known offside that he was perfectly fine with LGBT+. So I told him too, he shrugged and said that it's fine, and jokingly said to add girls to the list of people to bring forward for marriage proposals.

#26

I haven’t come out to my family yet, but I have a group of friends who are all LGBTQ+ so it’s pretty hard not to come out there

#27

I was planning to do something big, but I ended up just going up to my parents and saying “ Hey, I’m bi.” Thankfully my parents are very supportive- they bought me a bi pride flag and earrings for the pride picnic going on in my area soon! It’ll be my first pride month out of the closet and I’m so grateful for an accepting family.

#28

This is the opposite of what was asked, but I moved across the country to San Francisco when I was 20. I'd met this guy Mike and hung out with him a lot, when I'd call home I'd talk to my parents about him and things we did together. Finally Christmas time came along and I said I was going to come home and bring a friend along whose parents were out of the country for Christmas. Mom of course said "Great! We're looking forward to meeting your friend!"

My parents seemed surprised at the airport when I got off the plane, hand in hand with my girlfriend, Christine. Later that day when we were alone my mom asked "Wait, where is Mike? Isn't he your boyfriend!?" When I said "No.... he's my friend." She said "Oh my god, we thought you were gay and weren't ready to come out yet! We thought Christine was Mike's friend"

Then it hit me, I'd been pretty quiet about my relationship with my girlfriend when talking to my parents, I really only only mentioned her in context with Mike like "I went out to dinner with Mike and Chris". And I remembered that when we talked on the phone, Mom would ask a lot of questions about Mike, trying to give me an opening to reveal that he was my boyfriend - I always thought it weird the way she was so interested in him.

So even though I'm not gay and didn't actually come out, I found that my parents would have been very accepting, which makes me pretty lucky after hearing some of the horror stories from friends whose parents who would not accept their homosexuality at all.

#29

When I came out to my mom she thought it was a phase or the result of something traumatic. It really made me more confused but I've been like this for a long time so I know my truth.

#30

I've only come out to my immediate family, so for my mom I just told her right when I realized, but for my dad I just wrote him a note. I plan to tell my grandparents and uncles next time I see them, but I'm scared since my grandparents are kinda homophobic. I'm bi btw. And if you have any ideas on how I could come out please please tell me.

#31

A little over 5 years ago, I'd been talking to a girl on a dating site, asked her out and she said yes! I was in my late 20s and never had a date so I was amazed. But then came the question of how to tell my parents. I told my mother that I "might be going on a date... with a woman." That was it. I don't even remember her reaction. Never told my dad.

The date never happened (she ghosted me) and my mother told me I was just confused because I didn't have enough female friends... So we haven't spoken about it since and I haven't really broached the 'hey I'm non-binary' thing either.

#32

I’m bi. Turns out, my sister knew almost before I did! My mom is extremely supportive and when I came out to her she didn’t really seem surprised but when I told my dad and stepmom they sort of acted like it was just a phase and we haven’t addressed it since.

#33

Didn't have to. It's that obvious.

#34

This is a little unusual, but I think it fits. I've been married a long time, and always loved the romantic and fun bits leading up to sex, but not sex itself. We thought I couldn't possibly be asexual because I always enjoyed myself beforehand. My husband knew this, and we always communicated clearly about what we wanted and needed (we used to joke that we probably talked about sex before anybody else in the country!).
One day, he was reading a novel where the main character described herself a "asexual, but not aromantic." He said, "Honey, I think this is you." So I guess my husband brought me out of the closet?

#35

I said “Hey, I’m asexual” and they were like,” Okay, but what do you want for lunch?”

#36

So i came out to my friend and texted her saying i was bi and she was actually bi too (pretty big surprise) then later she opened up to another friend and she was bi too (jebus pretty big coincidence) and I said i was bi too. Then, another friend opened up about being pan(ok someones gotta be lying).

#37

I haven’t yet.... my parents are kindaaa homophobic (they said there’s nothing wrong with gay people or people part of the lgbptqiaanbfd+ but whenever I watch things like Larray or James Charles or something they say turn this off or why do you watch this, this isn’t appropriate) so can someone please HELPP should I tell them? If so... how

Btw I’m bi ???

#38

legit just used the ace of spade wrote "this is me" on it and shoved it under my parents' door.

#39

I came out to my mother first on a walk and I said “hey, I think I’m gay” and she was all cool about it and stuff. And then I told my friends on the group chat and I said “hey, guys, I’m gay, I like girls, hope you don’t mind” and they were like “that’s fine!” and “why would we mind?” It was really cool and nice.

#40

Ok, I have 2 stories.
1. I had a few friends that I came out as trans to. Well, my drama class created a discord account and someone asked about everyone's name and pronouns. I told the truth but they still didn't know my preferred name. So, I sent a dm to my friend that I was already out to so she could pretend not to know about my name and ask over discord so that I could come out that way. It's much easier to come out when someone asks. She's a great friend. So anyway now I'm out to most of my drama class, but that's it.
2. I never officially came out to my family, but I told my younger sister. This was a mistake because turns out my sister doesn't know how to keep her damn mouth shut and at total random decided to blurt out that I said I "wanted to be a boy" (I don't want to be a boy I just simply am one, she hasn't quite grasped that concept yet but that's ok she was only like 6 at the time). Anyway, I started arguing with her, assuring them that it wasn't true. Do you want to know what the only defense my dumb a**e could think of was? I can't be a boy, because boys have cooties. COOTIES. THAT WAS THE ONLY THING I COULD THINK OF. Anyway I knew I screwed up, my parents obviously didn't buy it and they're super transphobic so I think they're trying to pretend they don't know but they're doing a terrible job hiding it. S**t.

#41

lol i came ouut to my most of my friends and then my parents got my phone and saw so that wass that i guess

#42

Um, I tried to come out. Mom told be I was too young to be asexual. Not even gonna try to tell her I’m biromantic. She thinks I’m an extremely enthusiastic ally. I have to pretend I agree that I’m “too young for a sexuality”. My Dad and his girlfriend fully support me though so that’s nice ? told them over text

#43

I knew I was trans lesbian 25 years ago, but I had other issues that were much more pressing - substance abuse, mental illness, abusive relationship. Over the years, I got sober, got help with my mental illness and after a few other relationships, quit dating. I experienced a spiritual awakening - I became Christian - and realizing that God loves me exactly as I am made it possible for me to fully embrace my trans lesbian self.
I'm out to some friends. I'm going to seminary this fall and I included the info on my application - my denomination is accepting/affirming. I haven't told my parents because they wouldn't understand and it really doesn't matter to me.

#44

I told my friends I had something to tell them, Friend1 jokingly goes, "So, you're finally telling us you're in love with Friend2." - And I replied, "No, that was, like, two years ago." - They both gaped. Turns out, I only have two straight friends anyway.

#45

My parents thought I was going to say I was pregnant.
They were relieved I was *just* bisexual.

#46

I came out to my friends while we were having a drawing competition. One of my friends looked over my shoulder and said "Your lines are really crooked." I responded with "my lines are not straight and neither am I!" and they were just like "ok!"

BTW I'm bi

#47

I never did. I just stopped hiding things and eventually they realized.

#48

It was Christmas time and we were about to sit down for dinner. This was when I came out as Bisexual. I have yet to come out as lesbian. I quickly got up grabbed a napkin went to my room and wrote on the napkin "I am Bisexual" and when to sit back down. After dinner, my mouth was covered with pasta sauce and I grabbed the napkin and wiped my mouth with it making sure the words were facing them. long story short my aunt and uncle ALSO CAME OUT A BISEXUAL.

crazy right?

#49

I wanna start by saying I’m very lucky that I have an incredibly accepting family. I never really officially came out as being queer, but rather I (a female) mentioned that I had a crush on another girl in my grade and was talking with her. I showed my step-mom a picture of her and she said “Awww! She’s cute!” And that was it. I hope that one day, all parents will have that same reaction to their child saying they have a crush or are interested in anybody of any gender.

#50

I knew my mum would support me but I was still really nervous. So I literally just sent her a message, chucked my phone on the sofa and ran upstairs.

#51

I haven't told my parent's yet but last march I finally just texted my friend that I was questioning and she literally said in all capital letters "YAASSSSSS LIVE YOU'RE TRUTH BABE HECK YEAH" and also told me almost all of her friends are some part of Lgbtq+ and that shes bi!! So yeah im really glad that I told someone!!! BTW Happy Pride month!!??

#52

I asked if they support LGBTQIAP+ they said yes. So I said I like girls, and identify as pansexual! :)

#53

Hi Mom, I'm bi. Now let's talk about my girlfriend !

#54

I'm not currently out to my family, but I am out to all my internet friends! It kinda went something like this, and I think it's kinda funny, but also very typical for me to do. We were all just kinda chatting on our discord server, and I sent a message that was almost the exact same wording as this; "Right y'all, I have something to announce. I'm Non-Binary!! I prefer they/them pronouns, and I'd really like it if y'all can call me Harley!" They were all really chill with it, and some of my IRL friends in that server have made it no issue to use my preferred name/pronouns.
I'm hesitant with coming out to my parents and sister, as they're all really supportive but I'm still nervous.

#55

i just told my friends and they went "wait, we're supposed to be suprised?? Quick, guys!!"

#56

I sent meh friends a pic of the demigirl flag.they solved the puzzle and ye

#57

i was kinda underwhelmed for mine, ive seen so many tiktoks of parents hugging their children of congratulating them, but mine just stared at me and went 'ok". and that felt kinda like a punch in the gut to me. itwas like they thought finding myself wasn't worth celebrating. but they still support me so . . .

#58

I kinda just dropped into a conversation about how I had a crush on one of my girlfriends.
Also, I just figured out that I’m a demigirl, and I haven’t told anyone about that yet. My grandma would FREAK. Lol

#59

Haven't come out to the family yet but i came out to my friends when we were hanging out and there was this really funky looking branch on the tree (we were climbing trees together) it was really twisty and so I was like "I'm as straights as this tree branch", my crush looked at me and just started laughing so i think she kinda knew. The next week or so our group chat (which had a couple of homophobes) was spamming me with pics of pans and going "oooh is this u" which kinda felt a bit sh*t. The only person who was being nice about it was my crush and this one other chick. FYI I'm pan in case you couldn't tell. The crush was my girlfriend of 3 months, we had to break up due to some stuff in our friendship group. So that was great. Anyways, HAPPY PRIDE MONTH YALL.

#60

Mine is embarrassing, I was looking at LGBTQ memes on one window of Chrome and doing homework on the other. I asked my Mum for help on the homework and then left the room for about 20 seconds. As I came back I heard "Uhhh, what is this?". Luckily my family's very accepting, but at first I freaked out, ran upstairs and cried for a while. We had a conversation about it after I'd calmed down. I always felt very disappointed that I didn't get to make the choice to come out, but I'm glad my family was so good about it.

#61

When I was 20 I figured out I was a lesbian when I fell in love with a co-worker who was 17...It was a consensual relationship that lasted over 3 years. Before she turned 18 her parents found out and went to the police to have me arrested for statutory rape.
"So hey Mom, I may be arrested, and here is why..." Not exactly how I wanted to tell her, obviously.
Luckily the police did not pursue anything, because at the time (mid-nineties), the legal definition required "penetration". I am thankful that the police could not figure out how you could have a sex without having a p*nis.
My Mom loves me no matter what, but still does not like to talk about 20 some odd years later, and she thinks nobody else in the family knows still (except my brother).
Luckily my brother is very supportive and told me that only one thing would change, that he now has girlfriend approval rights instead of boyfriend approval rights.

#62

It wasn’t really a big thing, I texted my mom a picture of the bisexual flag with no context. She didn’t get it even after she googled it and I had to tell her. She said she didn’t care and she loves me no matter what. I knew she would tell my stepdad, but I told my dad myself. I sent him a message telling him I was bisexual, and he sent me back a paragraph basically telling me he was fine with it and he always wants to know what’s happening with me and I cried. Now I’m questioning if I’m genderfluid, and my mom once again is fine with it and I haven’t told anyone else.

#63

Well, when I was a teenager (I'm 33 now) my older sister told me if I didn't come out to my parents right then and there then SHE would do it for me. So she sat my parents down in the basement and I told them I was a lesbian, and the first words out of my mother's mouth were "How could you do this to me?!"

Long story short I'm no contact with my family...

#64

My parents were/are very supportive! My mom used to be bi when she was my age actually! So, I had a crush on my girl bff, but I also like guys so at first I was bi, but now I'm pan!! Oh- and my cousin knows and he is like the BEST! Its also my first pride month coming out! HAPPY PRIDE MONTH EVERYONE!

#65

So I'm male and ace. Few years back, my dad and I were chatting at my grandparents' house. He's pretty drunk, going through a second divorce, starts talking about this girl from work, 20 years younger than him (he was 50), going like "I think I could bang her. But should I? What would you do?"

So after a few minutes I got so uncomfortable with that conversation I decided I'd rather come out than continue discussing this. I was pretty drunk but sobered up real quick. I was really nervous but tried to play it cool, like "I don't know what to tell about that, I'm ace."

He was cool about it, said he won't tell anyone if I don't want him to, and went right back to talking about how thirsty he was for this co-worker.

I have very mixed feelings about this now.

#66

So I had just gotten my second Covid vaccine, and it was So. Freaking. Cold. And I was crying, I dunno why, so I had my mom come and tuck me in and I said I wanted to talk to her about something and said I was nonbinary. She said she would support me no matter what as long as I am a good person. I brought it up again this morning and said I wanted to switch to they/them pronouns. She’s going to tell my dad and Papa(my stepdad) along with my siblings because I don’t really want to tell them because telling mom was all I really had the capacity for right then. But they support me so yay!!!

#67

Coming out to my parents as bi was pretty routine, I think. I was 37 and married before I realized it myself, so there were some questions about whether I was going to "do anything about it" (at the time, I was not) and the standard "maybe it's just a phase" (prefaced with "maybe this is ignorant, but..."). Aside from that they took it pretty well.

I know this isn't in the spirit of Pride month, but the more interesting story was coming out to my parents as polyamorous. That is a specific type of open relationship, aka consensual non-monogamy (where all partners are aware and approve of the situation) that is about full relationships, ie intimacy AND emotions. We opened up our marriage maybe a year and a half after I'd come out as bi. (Yes, it was related. Yes, most bi people are monogamous. But looking back at it, this was always a better fit for us anyway. My husband and his zucchini are very happy.)

Anyway, the problem was that by the time we felt ready to tell my parents about it, they were in the midst of a move. They were leaving my city and I felt like I really should tell them before they left rather than over the phone, but they were just *so* busy packing & preparing for a full month that it almost didn't happen. Then, my mom needed to stay in the city for a week in order to attend a medical appointment. She would stay at my house a few days, and then with her sister for a few days. On the last day, her and I got deep into conversation and knowing it was last chance to tell her in person, I decided to go for it. I told her we were polyam and that I had a girlfriend. She took it... okay. But she had only asked a few questions (e.g. was I being safe, is the other person married) when she got a text from her sister, who had arrived early to pick her up.

We did converse a bit by email after, but not much. I sent her some links, she didn't ask any more questions. In video calls later I didn't force the conversation but I hoped they'd ask me about. My girlfriend's name, anything. But I think they saw it as some sort of dirty secret, not a real relationship with its own ups and downs, struggles and funny anecdotes. I'm really bad at inserting topics into conversations and nothing was said about for months. Until, my girlfriend broke up with me. I was in the process of working through that when my parents called one time and asked how I was doing. I told them - badly - and why. I said, "Since I married my first boyfriend, this is the first time I've had a relationship end." And my dad chuckled and said, "Yeah, I guess it is."

After that conversation, they finally understood I think. It had been normalized, it was something we were allowed to talk about. Now, my mom asks occasionally how the Tinder search is going, or how my husband's zucchini is doing. It took some time to get there, and they still don't *fully* understand, but they're doing their best to support our choices. It's good. :)

#68

My parents thought I was going to say I was pregnant.
They were relieved I was *just* bisexual.

#69

I wrote my mother a 3,000 word essay of an email when I came out as trans FtM 6 years ago.

#70

Told my friends that “I’m either bi or pan, no clue which one.” And they looked me in the eyes and said and I quote: “We know”. My sister somehow suspects it, and I’m trying to come out to family now.

#71

This may not be what you're looking for, but here goes. I was born female and identify as female, but I am totally a cross dresser. When I was a small child I can remember feeling sooo stupid if I had to put on a dress. It took to my late 20's to start dressing for myself. For the last 30+ years though, the only female garment I wear is a bathing suit. A while back there was a lovely post of a cross dressing man and his outfits. He wore them well and was obviously happy. But the post still made me cringe, lol. Because I can't understand why anyone would choose to wear women's clothes. But, I will Always defend everybodies right to dress the way they want. Or Be who they are! Be true to yourselves, dear pandas!

#72

#73

My coming out wasn't dramatic, I just told my parents that I'm straight. They're ok with it...