The Secret Sauce to Finding Love That Everyone’s Desperate to Ignore


So look, there’s something everyone and their dog knows they need to do to help secure the partner of their dreams. It’s something you, your BFF, Angela from Human Resources, and even your husky puppy Jasper know too.

It would help if you got in shape

There we go. It wasn’t earth-shattering information, was it? If there’s one thing that would massively boost your prospects in the dating marketplace, this is it.

But, it’s also something most people try their hardest to avoid, and why?

Because of the electrical jolt of resistance, you felt when you read that. You didn’t like it, did you? Something about being told having a sexier body will help to meet someone scares and intimidates you, and you want to resist it.

Maybe you want to close this article, and if so, I get it. I do, but a sad reality of life is that facts don’t care about your feelings. And another and more pleasant truth is that our feelings aren’t always based on reality.

So here’s what I’m going to do today.

I’m going to break down exactly:

  • why you should get into shape (including reasons you probably haven’t thought of)
  • How your mindset about health and fitness is holding you back


Let’s get started.

A hot and sexy body shows you have self-respect

You ever see a stinking homeless person lying in their own waste on the street and thought to yourself that they’d lost all self-respect? Firstly you’d be right for thinking that, but secondly, refusing to look after your body shows a similar lack of self-regard. Why?

Well, look at it like this, do you care about the condition of your clothes, car, home or career? Of course, you do, but why? Why is it essential to have a nice, clean, and well-designed home?


Because doing so implies that you care about yourself and take yourself seriously. That’s why you get angry when people rock up at your place and make it dirty. They’re disrespecting your home and, by definition, you.

But guess what?

When you treat your body like a sewer and pollute it with chemicals and junk food that don’t just make it look terrible and feel hideous to inhabit but prematurely age it so it can’t function at its peak, it’s no different than choosing to wipe fresh dog shit all over the interior of your living room.

I mean that.

Your body is the home your soul has chosen for its current incarnation into this reality, and you’re stuck with it until your heart stops beating. It’s the only possession you have.

It’s literally you, and that means its condition is far more important than your Tesla Model S or velvet upholstery.

So this means that if you care more about your said Tesla than your body, you’re tacitly admitting you don’t care about yourself.

This leads me to my next point:

People will respect you if you’re in shape

It’s so true. Some people act like getting in shape is this elementary endeavour reserved only for mindless grunts for whom sophisticated intelligence is an abstract concept, but that’s bs. Those are merely the utterances of insecure souls who want to make themselves feel better about something they feel guilty for not addressing.

The fact is that transforming your body means sticking to an exercise regimen over time whether you want to or not. It means forgoing Dominoes pizzas, Pepsi, Skittles, Budweisers, and nights spent bingeing the Diplomat on Netflix in favour of lean meats, green vegetables, blueberries, mineral water, and evenings at the gymnasium.

It’s intellectually simple, but in terms of its demands on your character, it’s one of the most taxing things you’ll ever do, and deep down, we all know that. Also, if you get yourself in shape, you’ll notice people suddenly become friendly, listen to your opinion, and defer to you in conversation. They’ll also be eager to be your friends in a way they weren’t before. And I’m talking about everybody, mind you, not just a select shallow-minded few.

There’s nothing shallow about being attracted to the dedication it takes to consistently delay gratification in search of an important goal. It’s a trait every successful person shares.

Finally, on a personal note, when I started working out as a teenager, I noticed that within 6 months, all the kids who used to try to fight me for being black suddenly became very, very respectful.

There’s a reason for that.

You’ll be better in bed (or on the beach)

If there are two significant traits necessary to be dynamite in the bedroom, it’s stamina and the ability to be in the moment. Working out helps with both.

You’ll be able to pick your partner up and hold them against a wall, pin them down to the cold tiled kitchen floor, flip them over onto all fours, nail them hard from behind, and whatever else your wild heart desires, all without having a coronary.

Also, the extra confidence you’ll have from loving how you look will make insecurity a thing of the past. You won’t give a fuck about having sex with the lights on, and you won’t be ashamed to be naked. You’ll just throw yourself into it wildly, and guess what? Your partner will love it.

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You’ll live longer

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have an extra decade or two of healthy and vital years if possible. Maybe you’re about that Hector Salamanca life, but that ain’t the way I get down. Yours truly wants to be able to run after and wrestle his grandkids and pop an Ollie on a skateboard when he’s 80. And you know what? Working out will help that happen.

You’ll look and feel younger

Do I need to elaborate on this further? Exercising consistently will have you looking 30 when you’re 40, 40 when you’re 50 and 55 when you’re 70.

You’ll have tons of dating options

Despite whatever crap some well-intentioned fool wants to brainwash you with, there’s a direct correlation between how attractive a person is and the number of options they have in the dating marketplace.

It’s why Instagram models’ DMs are overrun with date requests and marriage proposals and why hideously disfigured people have next to none.

Now, am I saying that your physical appearance is the only factor in meeting someone? No. Not by a long shot. But let’s call a spade a spade and deal with the reality in which we live.

What I am telling you to do is address the fact that given how competitive the dating marketplace is, you need to do everything you can to stand out and give yourself the best chance of success. People date in leagues, and just as in sports like football, the best prospects tend to be found in the highest leagues.

You don’t think you can do it, but you can

This is why you felt that electrical jolt of ‘fuck that guy’ resistance at the start of this post, and you know what? I get it. You think you can’t do it. You feel like whoever you are right now is you you’re doomed to be until, as my Dad would say, thy kingdom come.

But that’s not true.

What is true is that you’ve been one way for so long that you’ve become programmed to see yourself as incapable of change, but that’s nothing more than a fantasy you’ve concocted. A quick Google search for ‘fitness transformations’ will present endless pictures of people who were obese but managed to achieve ungodly levels of sexicocity (I just made that word up) through hard work and determination.

It can be done. You just need to stomp your foot down and make a firm decision to change. Just decide that the person you were yesterday isn’t the one you’ll be tomorrow and work towards manifesting your new reality.

It’s really that simple.

And on that topic, read the following article if you need inspiration. Granted it’s talking about writing but everything written is just as applicable to fitness.

This post was previously published on


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